Off Topic · Getting rejected (page 1)

When you really like a girl and she turns you down because she is "not ready for a relationship" but does "like you", is that considered a rejection? Break out the rule book.

And yes, I am talking about myself.

I don't have 99 problems, I only have 1 - a bitch that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe that's why I have been over-acting like a dick recently.

PS: Yes I am prepared to take flack over this post.

that pretty much means she wants to keep you chasing after her til something better comes along & she wants to have her cake & eat it too bro... sorry that might sound harsh but that's how chicks are... be careful cuz girls like that like to take advantage of a nice guy... not that i know this girl & she may be cool & all that too, but girls these days LOOOOOVE to play mind games & u gotta be on ur guard at all times.

this is coming from someone who's extremely jaded so take that w/a grain of salt, but trust me i been there, done that so don't even sweat any flack ur gonna get over this one... i'm sure most of us have been in your shoes at 1 point or another.

my advice would be if ur really into this girl, don't ever let it progress to the "friend" stage, cuz that's the literal point of no return if u ever wanna get w/this girl... make sure she knows u got other options available to you & don't be at her beckon call if she wants to see you... try to keep her guessing a little bit as to your feelings for her, or if you still like her later if u already made her aware of your feelings... if she's into you at all trust me she'll make an effort to wanna be with you... otherwise you don't wanna waste your time on a girl who just wants emotional support but isn't willing to give any in return, nah'm saying? good luck.

[Edited by - TMS on 10-13-2008 01:17 AM]

The friend word has already been thrown around. Listen, it hurt but at the same time she's been through shit. She told me that her boyfriend tried to "rape" her when she was younger and that she also had a failed relationship and now she has trust issues. I can see her side of the story. Maybe she isn't playing around. Maybe that's how it is. And if she is, I'll get over it. I'm gonna stay close to this girl but I'm not investing any emotions into it. Whatever happens, happens. If it will be friends, let it be.

She admitted she liked me and that she did not reject me. She said I am young and I shouldn't worry about it and that I should enjoy my life. I never said I was worried to her but she already knew I liked her. She kinda sensed I didn't want to talk to her when i was being a dick to her earlier tonight and I told her the deal and stuff but like I said it will probably go down the friend route. I'm bummed out but there is not much I can do. I truly believe she's a good person and hopefully I am not wrong on that.

Thanks for replying and taking this seriously TMS. I owe you a beer when I come to join you guys one day on a UK get-together(if you're there).

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-13-2008 04:57 AM]

Thats awesome TMS!

sounds like a pretty toxic situation in which you cant win. id say cut ties and if its meant to be it will work itself out. in the meantime, focus on your self and whats good for you - there are waaaayyy too many girls out there for you to be stressin over one...especially one that seems to be playin games with your head and has prior baggage to boot. you dont need that.

i bet fishmike would have an interesting read on this scenario....fish, where ya at? chime in here...but only after youve had 50 drinks beforehand.

Posted by GKFv2:

The friend word has already been thrown around. Listen, it hurt but at the same time she's been through shit. She told me that her boyfriend tried to "rape" her when she was younger and that she also had a failed relationship and now she has trust issues. I can see her side of the story. Maybe she isn't playing around. Maybe that's how it is. And if she is, I'll get over it. I'm gonna stay close to this girl but I'm not investing any emotions into it. Whatever happens, happens. If it will be friends, let it be.

She admitted she liked me and that she did not reject me. She said I am young and I shouldn't worry about it and that I should enjoy my life. I never said I was worried to her but she already knew I liked her. She kinda sensed I didn't want to talk to her when i was being a dick to her earlier tonight and I told her the deal and stuff but like I said it will probably go down the friend route. I'm bummed out but there is not much I can do. I truly believe she's a good person and hopefully I am not wrong on that.

Thanks for replying and taking this seriously TMS. I owe you a beer when I come to join you guys one day on a UK get-together(if you're there).

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-13-2008 04:57 AM]

no problem dude... i went through a very similar situation w/my ex (in terms of her telling me about some of her bad past relationships) & believe me, it wasn't pretty in terms of what i had to deal with to be with her later on... girls that have been really dicked over by guys in the past have severe trust issues & emotional scars as such will always be a handful to deal with because they're always waiting for the next guy to dick them over again... some girls take it to the extremes & dick over guys as some sort of revenge too... believe you me, u do not want any part of that type of headache... count this as a blessing in disguise... like jimi said, chicks are a dime a dozen & all of them have some type of sob story to appeal to the nice guy in you... all it takes is a nice piece of ass & you'll soon forget about this one, trust... the Whatever happens happens attitude is exactly how u gotta approach it, so ur doing a good job... try not to sweat this one too much if it doesn't work out... there will be others.

next time ur with her & she tries to cuddle w/u or whatever, just be like "yo, if this ain't leading anywhere i'd rather not be this close to you" & see how she reacts... if she gets all wishy washy then just lay a kiss on her but don't force urself on her... if she responds then it pretty much means she wants to bang you but isn't ready for a steady relationship w/anyone... in that case it's the dream scenario & if u don't move on that i will officially come back to NY & kick your ass.

[Edited by - TMS on 10-13-2008 12:31 PM]

I think the "friend" thing is over done. If you have feelings then the friendship is not genuine.

Your in Love. You'll do all kinds of nice things to "sell" her on yourself. You'll be great. As long as you are "chasing" and she is holding back you'll keep being mister wonderful and she'll test you. And Test you, and test you.

Then once you have her trust you better be darn sure this is the girl you want to marry cuz you'll either mess her up good, or yourself. Then you'll start thinking is she really the wonderful person and is she GIVING YOU what you need an desire?

Cut ties. Your not really friends, your just kind of in love with her and want to prove that your a good guy.

If you are, then save the goodness to someone who can recognize your good traits and appreciate it. She got issues, and Im sure you do also (we all got them), but try to hard and its one sided.

Normal well adjusted women are really fun to be with!

Nalod (married 22 years and thank my lucky stars daily! Got a great wife!)

I don't think it will get to the point of cuddling or anything so that theory can be thrown out the window. But thank you TMS and I agree with everything you said.

Nalod, I share the same views with you as well and can understand where you're coming from. I do now feel like I am the one chasing and she is the one pushing me away. It seems as if I like her more than she does me. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't share the same feelings as me.

I wont cut ties but I will stay away. I will be available to her and if she wants to initiate a conversation with me online or over the phone or whatever, she can do so. But I will not be how I was before.

Life is too short to get caught up in all of this and all you guys are right that I am too young to care as well. It's just that weird motherfucking thing called "love" (or liking someone to a crush level) takes over your soul sometimes and distorts your mind. I am lucky I got you dudes and my other friends and family to tell me the deal and show me the light.

Thank you guys.

she wants to make love to you without the relationship part of it.

This is not the case.

This really IS interesting to read guys and in general I really understand where you guys are coming from!
I really got to say Ive also been (like prob. most guys) in situations like that and came out with some simple aspects that I had to understand in order to deal with stuff like that.
First of, this whole "friend" thing usually only works for one person while the other one still has issues and would want more! I have to admit, that I have been in both positions. First being the one with a girl, where I wanted more and then being the one "rejecting" a girl but wanting her as a "friend" and I really believe this ONLY works when the person rejecting love is serious about the emotions of the other enough that he really is a very caring friend!!!

Another thing is, that I really came to believe that its not worth the trouble!!! You might argue, that she had some bad experience and that she is THE ONE... but still... believe me even if it hurts... its not worth THIS trouble!!!
Im not saying stay away from her... just saying... if shes "the One" (a principle I find hard to believe... and Im in a GREAT relationship right now!!!) you guys will work it out without all the over the board talking and emotional struggles but also in a more relaxed way!!!

I am a very caring person and thus usually attract people who have serious problems, dont know who they are as a person yet or simply had BIG trouble in their past, BUT this is NOT a good start for a relationship!!! And I REALLY REALLY prefer to have a relatively normal person at my side without BIGGER issues!!!
Hell its just sooo much easier this way... I will admit though that it is getting more and more difficult to find such a person and that there is NO garantee that she will stay that way throughout the years!

So my advice, cause you asked is to simply try to not invest too much emotionally in that relationship but enjoy it on a more relaxed level. Im not saying shallow mind but dont pressure you or her!

So good luck and have fun!!!

I told this girl that I discussed this over with my friends and stuff(including you guys) and realized that staying close friends may not be the best thing and all she cared about was why I "talked about her" to my friends. Either way, this is in the past now and I move on. I'll probably still talk to her from time to time but nothing like before.

i'm tellin ya man, girls are some selfish creatures... ur better off.

Posted by GKFv2:

When you really like a girl and she turns you down because she is "not ready for a relationship" but does "like you", is that considered a rejection? Break out the rule book.

And yes, I am talking about myself.

I don't have 99 problems, I only have 1 - a bitch that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe that's why I have been over-acting like a dick recently.

PS: Yes I am prepared to take flack over this post.

All I know is that when two people like each other enough, they make an effort to want to be together. That's a normal relationship. I realized that I wasn't brought up properly to socialize. I had to learn the hard way and it cost me many broken heart and frustration over the years. The many chances I had and failed to recognize, because I didn't know how. I finally realized that it wasn't the end of the world, and I would have liked to have had another chance at a couple of those times but the past is the past. And I am happy with the relationships I did' have in my life.

I don't get all into calling gals/women bitches and all that stuff and I don't get into gals that seems to thrive off of conflict like that. But in reading your post, it sounds like you were rejected. Sorry bout that dude. I know the feeling. Don't worry. Don't panic. Keep in control of your emotional state. Talk about it.

This is the way I look at it when it comes to dating. Be yourself and every once in awhile, someone will recognize your strong points. Ask in a nice way and if you get rejected, it's not the end of the world. You keep going and as you go, you will meet other women and you will grow in knowledge and experience until you find someone who is good for you. That's being in a intelligent relationship and those aren't perfect either. And that's the beauty of relationship. You laugh, you argue, you make up, you get along and if it's strong enough, then who knows? That's your call.

You will get wounded sometimes. Find a place to lick your wounds and time to get over it. But make sure you have someone to talk to. No one is immune to rejection or failed relationship. We all been there.

Posted by GKFv2:

The friend word has already been thrown around. Listen, it hurt but at the same time she's been through shit. She told me that her boyfriend tried to "rape" her when she was younger and that she also had a failed relationship and now she has trust issues. I can see her side of the story. Maybe she isn't playing around. Maybe that's how it is. And if she is, I'll get over it. I'm gonna stay close to this girl but I'm not investing any emotions into it. Whatever happens, happens. If it will be friends, let it be.

She admitted she liked me and that she did not reject me. She said I am young and I shouldn't worry about it and that I should enjoy my life. I never said I was worried to her but she already knew I liked her. She kinda sensed I didn't want to talk to her when i was being a dick to her earlier tonight and I told her the deal and stuff but like I said it will probably go down the friend route. I'm bummed out but there is not much I can do. I truly believe she's a good person and hopefully I am not wrong on that.

Thanks for replying and taking this seriously TMS. I owe you a beer when I come to join you guys one day on a UK get-together(if you're there).

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-13-2008 04:57 AM]

Do you think it's wise to take on another persons problems. You can be sympathetic, but you also have to think about your own emotional state.

GK's a young buck... these are things u get to learn after a few years of going through these types of experiences... it's all a part of paying your dues to the P-Gods.

That sucks GKF, I think we all know how it feels. Theres plenty more out there.

P-Gods. LOL! I hear you though.

Posted by Knicksfansince94:

I wasn't joking when I said that she wants sex without the relationship part. You guys are looking too much into it. Chicks want sex just as much as you do, it's just that you baby them into reacting the way that GKFv2 described. See who she's bangin a week from now; probably a person that didn't want to get close.

Really dude, I could give a fuck who she's banging. Seriously. I don't give a shit if she screws the entire New York area. I have put this in the past. But honestly, this is not why she doesn't want to get close.

As for 4949, I hear you. I think losing out on a girl (aka rejection) can hurt a guy's self-esteem and bring them down a little bit. It doesn't help that I don't have the highest self-esteem as far as getting with girls. I've been with girls in the past obviously but for some reason I am not as confident in myself in that department as I should be. Then something comes along and you feel smaller than an ant sometimes.

You're right, you take your lumps and move along but confidence takes time to build or re-build and right now I'm a re-building project.

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-17-2008 03:16 AM]

Posted by Knicksfansince94:

I wasn't joking when I said that she wants sex without the relationship part. You guys are looking too much into it. Chicks want sex just as much as you do, it's just that you baby them into reacting the way that GKFv2 described. See who she's bangin a week from now; probably a person that didn't want to get close.

If you have 'feelings' for someone, then who would want a morbid relationship like that?

That's not too far off though. P-Gods are like our mothers. And if you didn't get the nurturing you were supposed to have gotten as a baby, then there's always that need to find it in the world of P-Gods. It's a tough world, but then again, New York is a tough place to find things like that and your lucky if you do find it. I'm talking about this fundamental nurturing. It has a tremendous effect on a persons psyche and confidence.

Guys (and even girls) don't realize how important that is in our lives. I met a lot of guys who have tons of confidence in themselves and often learn that they had a great childhood with both parents. A lot of them don't go chasing different girls around or show interest in women on a sexual level, because they are confident. I think once you start to learn that, then you start to understand yourself much better and are able to control your emotions much better also. And understanding why you have these frustrating feelings sometimes when it comes to sexual relationships.

I didn't get the mothering love I needed as a baby, and I didn't even know I was supposed to all these years. Constantly fighting with the girlfriends over the years, getting all emotional and crying like a big baby all actually meant something important, but I didn't understand why and I finally found out why. It was one of the best wake up calls of my life when I found out and how it's all connected. I still lack that confidence myself and trying to find my own personal vocabulary to different emotions, but at least I know why now and it's not so hard if and when these things occur.

And one more thing. If you didn't get that nurturing, don't blame your mother. She probably had the same experience also. I mean how often do people talk about these things and how do we communicate now? I am more than happy to share what knowledge I have, if it means helping someone else be a better person.

[Edited by - 4949 on 10-18-2008 09:15 AM]