sebstar wrote:Easy to just spit that out and say that, bro.Easy to say when its not you watching your father die. Easy to say that when its not your father that is talking suicide and your lil' sisters call crying and screaming because of it on the daily. Easy to say when its not your moms overseas because of this stupid ass war, hating life. Easy to say when its not you that felt like you had a soulmate and then the bytch acts like you never existed in conjunction to everything else going on. I flucked up like any man but I was there for her and I was close to her family and put nothing above that. Now I mean jack shyt. Easy to say when you're not the one feeling trapped by loneliness, guilt, and depression.
Im no bytch fam, but brothas bleed. Im human. I dont give a fukk what you have to say.
I really do feel for you- I have gone through some of the things you are now going through- but never all at once. Tru is also right- you put your pain out for others to see- you have to deal with our responses, whatever they may be.
Its strange, but when I am going through personal turmoil, I usually try to stand back and see myself as the tiny speck I am within the breadth and scope of mankind, history, life, human suffering, etc.. When I do, I realize that I am pretty lucky to be living now in the nation I was born in, despite all the problems which exist in the world. I also realize that there are many places in the world now with people who wish they could live like we live here. Nothing you are facing is unique, my friend, and nothing you face will compare with the horror and death that many have faced throughout history.
Your dad is coming to terms with his own mortality, your sisters can't handle it, and your mom, perhaps the person who would be the rock for all of you to anchor yourselves to, is not present at this moment. It is your time to be strong and deal with things like the man you are.
And forget about the woman. If she is not there for you now, she is not a keeper. You are better than her, and she does not deserve you.
Two of my favorite poems which deal with things like this. The Kipling poem is a classic, dealing with many situations you face in life. Its message is the code of conduct of the classic British gentleman- and something we can all benefit from.
Invictus was a poem my father liked, and deals more with the "big picture" of life.
Rudyard Kipling: If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley