Off Topic · This is how I feel (page 2)
sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
sebstar wrote:SupremeCommander wrote:No worries seb (have you read my personal posts?).I respect what you're saying. I don't know how the specifics so I don't know how bad it was. I do know when it's bad like that though it usually is because you were tender and vulnerable, which made the sting worse and the jading more noticeable.
Having been there and resorting to the same tactics, I'd encourage you to approach the future with love in your heart. The hurt will be worse now but you grow back better and stronger. You'll evolve as a person instead of shutting off parts of your personality.
Don't lie to yourself and say you'll never think of her. Or that she doesn't matter. Because you will and she does. In time the nature of the thoughts change. In my case, adjusting my handling of the situation taught me something and I'm at peace
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty. If your cup is full may it be again.
Appreciated. I have read your posts and shyt was deep, but I think there are different realities for different people and personalities.
Much respect to your perspectives. I think ultimately you and firefly and Nalod are right in your approach to life. At least its the most healthy and fruitful. Just not for me. :)
It's your path. You do you. you have my support. Except on one front. The lack of Alba posts. WTF sebby?
eViL wrote:sebdawg, love yourself. if you don't love yourself, you probably haven't found yourself. look harder.
That's what I was trying to say, but more concise and more to the point
***
Y'all remember Pee-Pee Pants? She fucked my head up.
I love to write and if would support the lifestyle I lead I'd do it full time instead of having a day job. A good friend encouraged me to get it out on paper.
So I wrote the Pee-Pee Pants story here and shared an incredibly embarrassing portion of my life. But I was honest. I'm actually a much, much, MUCH better writer as a result.
I'm not suggesting to write--that's me. What I'm suggesting (to everyone) is to have something that you can throw yourself into during situations like that. The tension of these situation lends itself well to production.
Alternatively, if you don't have a diversion to immerse yourself into, spend the time figuring that out.
Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
i appreciate the thoughts allan.. you're not the first person to say that to me, but the more i hear it, the more i have to come to grips with that's how i should handle the situation. again, appreciate the thoughts bro.
Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
I agree but I'm going to market it differently. Don't give her her space. Let her take it if she must. but I wouldn't condone or accommodate selfish intentions.
Sometimes in these situations women attempt to illicit a reaction. See if you really care or some shit. I usually respond with, "you know what, fuck you." Not verbally, but through my actions.
What I'd do is tell her mom and sister, "oh, yeah, she *took* her space, I didn't give it to her." Then, I'd go out to happy hour and tell my sob story to the hottest group of girls there and have pity/revenge sex. And if the relationship gets back on track it'd be on my terms.
nyk is obviously an awesome dude. His cage is never rattled. He is gracious yet demands equal respect. This girl's mom and sister see this and know this and are afraid that she will end up with someone like me after it is too late to rectify the situation.
But she is doing what is best for her and I suggest you look out for number one. Number one probably used to be her or nyk and her... now look out for who number one really is
SupremeCommander wrote:Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
I agree but I'm going to market it differently. Don't give her her space. Let her take it if she must. but I wouldn't condone or accommodate selfish intentions.
Sometimes in these situations women attempt to illicit a reaction. See if you really care or some shit. I usually respond with, "you know what, fuck you." Not verbally, but through my actions.
What I'd do is tell her mom and sister, "oh, yeah, she *took* her space, I didn't give it to her." Then, I'd go out to happy hour and tell my sob story to the hottest group of girls there and have pity/revenge sex. And if the relationship gets back on track it'd be on my terms.
nyk is obviously an awesome dude. His cage is never rattled. He is gracious yet demands equal respect. This girl's mom and sister see this and know this and are afraid that she will end up with someone like me after it is too late to rectify the situation.
But she is doing what is best for her and I suggest you look out for number one. Number one probably used to be her or nyk and her... now look out for who number one really is
also a very interesting take SC... not gonna lie, ive thought about the whole F you mentality myself - not sure what i'm going to do. i might be best just not saying anything to her for a while.
i appreciate your thoughts bro.
nyk4ever wrote:SupremeCommander wrote:Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
I agree but I'm going to market it differently. Don't give her her space. Let her take it if she must. but I wouldn't condone or accommodate selfish intentions.
Sometimes in these situations women attempt to illicit a reaction. See if you really care or some shit. I usually respond with, "you know what, fuck you." Not verbally, but through my actions.
What I'd do is tell her mom and sister, "oh, yeah, she *took* her space, I didn't give it to her." Then, I'd go out to happy hour and tell my sob story to the hottest group of girls there and have pity/revenge sex. And if the relationship gets back on track it'd be on my terms.
nyk is obviously an awesome dude. His cage is never rattled. He is gracious yet demands equal respect. This girl's mom and sister see this and know this and are afraid that she will end up with someone like me after it is too late to rectify the situation.
But she is doing what is best for her and I suggest you look out for number one. Number one probably used to be her or nyk and her... now look out for who number one really is
also a very interesting take SC... not gonna lie, ive thought about the whole F you mentality myself - not sure what i'm going to do. i might be best just not saying anything to her for a while.
i appreciate your thoughts bro.
anytime broham, anytime. I agree and would definitely not say anything to her directly. I wouldn't say anything to the mom and sister unless they ask. If you want to maintain the higher ground, good for you.
The way I see it though is she chose this situation and you didn't.
The potential dilemmas are (1) you wait it out and are uber-bitter, even if (2) the space becomes permanent. Or, you throw the middle fingers up and either (3) learn to live with it if you get back together or (4) tell her and have to rebuild that trust again
NYKBocker wrote:
do {
work;
hair--;
if (hair) white_hair++;
stress++;
age++;
weight++;
debt++;
} while(!dead)
You need a conditional statement for the variable hair in the IF statement.
nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right?
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
Yo, I'm sorry to hear about your plight. 5 years is a long time and I know those feelings you got are raw as fukk. But i'm encouraged by the response from her parents. They are treating you with respect and compassion. That will go a long way in a potential reconciliation and I know that feels good to know that they are empathetic towards your feelings and extending dignity and heart. Its all about decency.
That decency was absent from my situation. Once things broke down between me and her, there was an obscene campaign to strip me of my dignity and manhood because she felt like I 'cheated' or she was 'unappreciated'. So my contributions to her life, which were measurable in those three years, went out the window and in its place was complete and abject ruthlessness. I dont think I can begin to describe how cold the shyt they all did to me was. And it was a collective effort.
So yeah, I'm definitely looking out for number one as I have expressed in this thread. I've deaded my heart. Thats not happenin again.
Like to extend my support to your journey.
eViL wrote:sebdawg, love yourself. if you don't love yourself, you probably haven't found yourself. look harder.
We'll see. I guess I got poor eyesight sometimes. :)
SupremeCommander wrote:sebstar wrote:SupremeCommander wrote:No worries seb (have you read my personal posts?).I respect what you're saying. I don't know how the specifics so I don't know how bad it was. I do know when it's bad like that though it usually is because you were tender and vulnerable, which made the sting worse and the jading more noticeable.
Having been there and resorting to the same tactics, I'd encourage you to approach the future with love in your heart. The hurt will be worse now but you grow back better and stronger. You'll evolve as a person instead of shutting off parts of your personality.
Don't lie to yourself and say you'll never think of her. Or that she doesn't matter. Because you will and she does. In time the nature of the thoughts change. In my case, adjusting my handling of the situation taught me something and I'm at peace
Reach out your hand if your cup be empty. If your cup is full may it be again.
Appreciated. I have read your posts and shyt was deep, but I think there are different realities for different people and personalities.
Much respect to your perspectives. I think ultimately you and firefly and Nalod are right in your approach to life. At least its the most healthy and fruitful. Just not for me. :)
It's your path. You do you. you have my support. Except on one front. The lack of Alba posts. WTF sebby?
Hmm...I dunno. Guess its not my deal.
AnubisADL wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right?
Prolly, but whether that may or may not be true in NYK's situation at least treat a brotha with some respect. Be real and be honest. Dont say "space" say, I'm gunna get it in with other dudes, so you need to do your thing.
Us getting on top of other broads isnt the issue. But there is a callousness to females that is unique to their gender. There is a certain level of penis envy inherent in their gender and to compensate they attack a male's mind, body, and soul examining personal weaknesses and attacking with all their might.
I feel like with most dudes we abide by certain laws of respect and decency that are missing in the female makeup. Or maybe that's just the hoes I deal with. Cant call it.
This sums it up perfectly. Story of my life until I wised up. Love doesnt exist. It doesnt:
nyk4ever, i went through a similar experience as you did too... my advice is that the worst thing u can do is wait around & wonder when she'll come back... don't even bother checking up on her to see if she's OK cuz that'll just make her think you're waiting around & she'll keep on ignoring you to give u the hint to leave her alone... just act & think like it's over between you 2... if she really loves u then she'll be the one to want to get back with you... try not to sweat her while u wait & look at other options, cuz if she doesn't end up coming back it will only leave u feeling played & you're too cool of a dude to have that happen to you... like Anubis said, she's probably getting it from some other dude bro... sounds harsh & it's gonna hurt to realize that, but there's really no other reason for a chick to ask for a break other than her wanting to bang other guys... no woman would give up a 5 year relationship just to explore herself & go on some Buddhist self exploration trip... chicks are as fickle as Knick fans bro, u know this... good luck bro.
sebstar wrote:
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
Yo, I'm sorry to hear about your plight. 5 years is a long time and I know those feelings you got are raw as fukk. But i'm encouraged by the response from her parents. They are treating you with respect and compassion. That will go a long way in a potential reconciliation and I know that feels good to know that they are empathetic towards your feelings and extending dignity and heart. Its all about decency.That decency was absent from my situation. Once things broke down between me and her, there was an obscene campaign to strip me of my dignity and manhood because she felt like I 'cheated' or she was 'unappreciated'. So my contributions to her life, which were measurable in those three years, went out the window and in its place was complete and abject ruthlessness. I dont think I can begin to describe how cold the shyt they all did to me was. And it was a collective effort.
So yeah, I'm definitely looking out for number one as I have expressed in this thread. I've deaded my heart. Thats not happenin again.
Like to extend my support to your journey.
I gotta say, a lot of this convo cuts me deep. Ive always been the kind of guy to put it out there, trust and damn the consequences. My wife and her family are real full-on life pessimists who wouldnt trust you if you gave them a million bucks. I have had countless conversations with them about the fallacies in the way I view the world. They tell me that people will let you down, that people ultimately care only about themselves and leaving yourself open will only result in you getting hurt.
The truth is, I know that both they and you guys here are right. If I give someone an opportunity to walk all over me, I know there's a good chance it will happen. But heres the thing. I still don't let that change the way I view the world.
When you guys say stuff about women in general or about people in general, I question that, because I have seen the worst in humanity. I have seen parents abandon children at the exact time their children need it most. I have seen women take their man, beat him down with every tool available, kick him in the goolies while he's down there, then unjustly get him sent to jail for good measure. Ive seen big, strong men weeping like babies because there is literally nothing else left. I know the evil in humanity's heart. Ive seen it, lived with it and gotten to know it on a down and dirty level.
But Ive also seen the other side. The family that takes that man, brings him into their own home and cares for him. Ive seen people put their own hands in their pockets to the tune of millions just to ensure that a family stays together, can live, can eat. Ive known people who walk past a man lying in the filth of the gutter and kneel down there to help him back up inch by excruciating inch. Women who see the child so desperate for his parents' love and try with every breath to make that child feel wanted and cared for again. And yes, Ive known women who would walk through the fiery pits of hell because of love.
Ive seen what happens when love dies, when it gets crush underfoot like an afterthought. It hurts more then anything. That feeling of loss, of despair, of feeling so small because what you feel will never be reciprocated can make you think that everyone is the same. That everyone will hurt you if you open up to them. But Ive also seen what happens when you let someone else in, when you give them the chance to see who you really are, underneath the ruffntuff, that raw, scared kid we all have inside ourselves. And thats when you remember what life is truly about. All this talk of living for yourself, taking what you can get, fukk love, where does it get you? If we truly were meant to be alone, then why does it hurt so much when we are?
When my first kid was born, I finally understood what it meant to be a part of something much much much bigger then yourself. Theres a saying in the Torah. "Love others like you love yourself". When I look at my wife or one of my kids thats exactly how I feel. If given a choice between my life or theirs, I wouldnt hesitate or flinch for a second. Sebby and NYK, it sounds to me like you put yourselves in that position with a girl and they never showed you the same in return. But thats not a reflection on you or the rest of the world. Its a reflection on that specific person. It says to me that they have issues and concerns that do not include a level of selflessness that EVERYONE in a relationship deserves. But if you guys lock yourselves in as a result of their selfishness and in your case Sebby, their callousness, viciousness and sheer bitchery then the only result is you're turning into the them. The exact thing you loathed so much about them will be replicated in you. And that cant be what you want.
I cant promise you that the next time it will be different. History and statistics state otherwise. But if you dont let yourself live, to feel that pain, you'll never give yourself the chance to feel the joy and happiness when it goes right. And sometimes, it does go right.
Ill end off with a story. Theres a guy walking down the road, and he falls into a pit. Hes lying at the bottom of the pit and he sees a doctor walking by. He calls up "Hey doc, can you help me out?". The docto writes out a prescription and throws it into the pit. He sees a priest walk by and he calls up "Hey father, can you help me out?". The priest writes up a penance and throws it down to the bottom of the pit. Then a friend walks by and the man shouts up "Hey Joe, its me! Im stuck in this pit, can you help me out?" The friend sees him, and jumps down into the pit. The man says "Why did you do that?! Now we're both stuck in here!". And the friend replies "Yes. But I've been here before, and I know the way out".
If you need any help getting out, let me know.
sebstar wrote:AnubisADL wrote:You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right?Prolly, but whether that may or may not be true in NYK's situation at least treat a brotha with some respect. Be real and be honest. Dont say "space" say, I'm gunna get it in with other dudes, so you need to do your thing.
Us getting on top of other broads isnt the issue. But there is a callousness to females that is unique to their gender. There is a certain level of penis envy inherent in their gender and to compensate they attack a male's mind, body, and soul examining personal weaknesses and attacking with all their might.
I feel like with most dudes we abide by certain laws of respect and decency that are missing in the female makeup. Or maybe that's just the hoes I deal with. Cant call it.
This sums it up perfectly. Story of my life until I wised up. Love doesnt exist. It doesnt:
I have plenty of female friends who pull that line. It's just them being nice. The excuse is lame. So she wants to do her thing with some guy then come back when she is done? Negative.
She did this guy a favor. Now he can be free and luckily this happened before he proposed. He just needs to forget her. It's happens to every guy once. You sit and wonder what you could have done different and in the end you realize it had nothing to do with you.
He just needs to move on.
AnubisADL wrote:sebstar wrote:AnubisADL wrote:You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right?Prolly, but whether that may or may not be true in NYK's situation at least treat a brotha with some respect. Be real and be honest. Dont say "space" say, I'm gunna get it in with other dudes, so you need to do your thing.
Us getting on top of other broads isnt the issue. But there is a callousness to females that is unique to their gender. There is a certain level of penis envy inherent in their gender and to compensate they attack a male's mind, body, and soul examining personal weaknesses and attacking with all their might.
I feel like with most dudes we abide by certain laws of respect and decency that are missing in the female makeup. Or maybe that's just the hoes I deal with. Cant call it.
This sums it up perfectly. Story of my life until I wised up. Love doesnt exist. It doesnt:
I have plenty of female friends who pull that line. It's just them being nice. The excuse is lame. So she wants to do her thing with some guy then come back when she is done? Negative.
She did this guy a favor. Now he can be free and luckily this happened before he proposed. He just needs to forget her. It's happens to every guy once. You sit and wonder what you could have done different and in the end you realize it had nothing to do with you.
He just needs to move on.
truth
nyk4ever wrote:SupremeCommander wrote:Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly...I appreciate ya'll's perspectives, but I'm from the camp that love doesnt exist. The heart is a useless organ only designed to set you up for the biggest of downfalls...Fool me once shame on you...Yeah, I'm not getting fooled again.
Just look at the majority of success stories --- the biggest a-holes. They dont care about anybody but themselves.
Kindness and empathy and compassion are seen as weaknesses. Its better to have not loved than to have loved and lost. I believe that. Even worse to get embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel --- well, I dont want to get too far into my personal but I cant do that shyt no more and I dont have the makeup to take it. Just gotta completely harden the heart and keep it moving.
Dont trust again and keep everyone at arms length and you cant be destroyed. I've learned the ultimate life lesson. You gotta take that lesson and react to the message. Thats what I'm doing.
I'm just going to go hard in life and if I check out before forty or even thirty, I'm more than fine with that. Just what needs to be done.
I'm good.
(hope this doesnt come across as whining or self-loathing, it just is what it is.)
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now.
well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the shit i got going on now. yeah... fuck love.
nyk, that's a very tough and agonizing situation for you and I feel you, but trust me when I say this, before you let ur agony get in the way of your brain. Give her space. Trust me, I've made the mistake of not giving space too, and it came to bite me in the assticles. Text her to say "Hey, hope you're doing ok", maybe once everyday or even every other day just to show you're there to support her morally. Other than that, let her figure her stuff out. If it doesn't work out, then I am sorry dude. But hopefully it will work out, and I am sure it will.
When a lady needs space, she needs space.
Hope it works out for you.
I agree but I'm going to market it differently. Don't give her her space. Let her take it if she must. but I wouldn't condone or accommodate selfish intentions.
Sometimes in these situations women attempt to illicit a reaction. See if you really care or some shit. I usually respond with, "you know what, fuck you." Not verbally, but through my actions.
What I'd do is tell her mom and sister, "oh, yeah, she *took* her space, I didn't give it to her." Then, I'd go out to happy hour and tell my sob story to the hottest group of girls there and have pity/revenge sex. And if the relationship gets back on track it'd be on my terms.
nyk is obviously an awesome dude. His cage is never rattled. He is gracious yet demands equal respect. This girl's mom and sister see this and know this and are afraid that she will end up with someone like me after it is too late to rectify the situation.
But she is doing what is best for her and I suggest you look out for number one. Number one probably used to be her or nyk and her... now look out for who number one really is
also a very interesting take SC... not gonna lie, ive thought about the whole F you mentality myself - not sure what i'm going to do. i might be best just not saying anything to her for a while.
i appreciate your thoughts bro.
NYK - a tough situation. Trying to understand women is virtually impossible in situations like yours. But I'll put some thoughts in. Woman are different than men, and I am not talking just physiologically. Their emotions are very different and they react to situations very differently than we would.
First - since you still love her and want to propose to her, you shouldn't go crazy and find some other girl to sleep with. That would end your relationship with her. If she finds out, all hell will break lose. Even if she doesn't, since you love her, you'll probably feel guilty. This is not the time to "get even." She may not have done anything wrong.
Second - her mother and sister are texting you daily. This is very surprising and actually extremely promising. In my experience, woman side with other woman. They won't try to keep you happy or informed if their friend/sister/daughter is breaking up with you. The fact that they are in contact with you means something is going on but I really haven't a clue what is happening behind the scenes. I doesn't necessarily mean that she is seeing someone else.
Third - If you have a good relationship with her sister, try to speak with her sister and see if you can find out what is happening. Woman sometimes deal in roundabout ways, not direct. Men deal direct. Woman are different.
Fourth - Your girlfriend may really want to know that you care about her. You have been going with her for 5 years and now her younger sister is getting married. A big blow and reality check time for the older sister. Have you ever discussed marriage with your girlfriend?? She may think you will never marry her and she is bummed out and thinking about what her future will be.
Fifth - If Bitty or any other female poster is reading all of this, then female input would be most enlightening.
Let us know what happens.