Bitty, I agree with just about every thing you said except this one thing:
Be careful when asking your friends particularly males for advice. Women are usually seen as the bitter gender but believe me there are plenty of men out there who are very bitter and in turn have usually very low opinions of women in general. So almost all of the advice you get from these guys will only hurt you if you act on it.
I'm not gonna get into stereotypes. Men and women can be bitter. I've seen a lot of it on both ends, and for that matter, I USED to be bitter. So you're right that you definitely want to ask a bitter person for advise on the opposite sex. However, I think it's VERY important to be talking to your friends and taking their advise if they aren't bitter and if they have a good head on their shoulders and if they've been observant on things that happen around them.
However, in the end, it's YOU that has to do the work and you have to have your own plan and YOU have to live your own life and do the things that make you happy. More importantly, you have to make sure that you NEVER put yourself in a position that you need the opposite sex (Or same sex for the gays) to validate your life.
Your faith, friends, family, career aspirations, financial priorities, enjoyment, health and your passions should ALL come before opposite sex. The women or men should come automatically come when you get all of that straightened out.
Posted by bitty41:
Why would she lie to you? Not many women are going to flat out cut you down a guy and say "I don't dig you stop calling me". Because is anyone really ready for that level of honesty? It's not about deferring blame it's just the way things are because unless you've guys made some type of commitment to one another then she probably doesn't feel like she owes you an explanation.
I think most normal guys are ready for that "level of of honesty." Unless the guy is psychotic/creepy/rude/etc, I think a woman should let the guy know to move on. Especially, if the guy took the time and effort to make things happen. Don't worry about hurting a guy's feeling, especially if it's only been a couple of meetings, because most guys have gotten use to taken a lot of rejections, and have moved on with their life.
I believe this whole discussion started and continued because many posters here noticed womens' tendency of not telling a guy they're not interested after a date. If more women have the courteous to let a guy know to move on, then there will be less unhappy guys. Well, at least, less guys complaining about this specific issue.
Also, Bitty, I am sure there are many mens' habits that annoy the crap out of the normal woman. If you can list some of them, that could be helpful for some of the posters on this board, including myself.
Posted by martin:
Bitty finally back from world travels? How was it?
Great as usual the only thing is that I wish I had left a few weeks sooner to really get the hot weather. Btw if your ever in Corfu Greece you must hit up "hanky panky" island lol.
Posted by Allanfan20:
Bitty, I agree with just about every thing you said except this one thing:
Be careful when asking your friends particularly males for advice. Women are usually seen as the bitter gender but believe me there are plenty of men out there who are very bitter and in turn have usually very low opinions of women in general. So almost all of the advice you get from these guys will only hurt you if you act on it.
I'm not gonna get into stereotypes. Men and women can be bitter. I've seen a lot of it on both ends, and for that matter, I USED to be bitter. So you're right that you definitely want to ask a bitter person for advise on the opposite sex. However, I think it's VERY important to be talking to your friends and taking their advise if they aren't bitter and if they have a good head on their shoulders and if they've been observant on things that happen around them.
However, in the end, it's YOU that has to do the work and you have to have your own plan and YOU have to live your own life and do the things that make you happy. More importantly, you have to make sure that you NEVER put yourself in a position that you need the opposite sex (Or same sex for the gays) to validate your life.
Your faith, friends, family, career aspirations, financial priorities, enjoyment, health and your passions should ALL come before opposite sex. The women or men should come automatically come when you get all of that straightened out.
Allan,
I completely agree with but I just think that when anyone (male or female) asks their friends for advice be careful because you will get skewed opinions. For example some of my girlfriends I know to avoid like the plague when asking advice about men because I know that they have a very jaded view of men.
Hank,
I don't have much time but I promise I'll break it down later tonight.
Solace,
Aww I missed you guys the only people on the planet still rooting for the Knicks hahahaha.
No, I agree. Some of your friends certainly will have skewed opinions. I know some of mine do and I avoid them, but I also made a mistake in my post. I meant to say DON'T go for advise to your bitter friends.
Posted by Allanfan20:
Bitty, I agree with just about every thing you said except this one thing:
Be careful when asking your friends particularly males for advice. Women are usually seen as the bitter gender but believe me there are plenty of men out there who are very bitter and in turn have usually very low opinions of women in general. So almost all of the advice you get from these guys will only hurt you if you act on it.
I'm not gonna get into stereotypes. Men and women can be bitter. I've seen a lot of it on both ends, and for that matter, I USED to be bitter. So you're right that you definitely want to ask a bitter person for advise on the opposite sex. However, I think it's VERY important to be talking to your friends and taking their advise if they aren't bitter and if they have a good head on their shoulders and if they've been observant on things that happen around them.
However, in the end, it's YOU that has to do the work and you have to have your own plan and YOU have to live your own life and do the things that make you happy. More importantly, you have to make sure that you NEVER put yourself in a position that you need the opposite sex (Or same sex for the gays) to validate your life.
Your faith, friends, family, career aspirations, financial priorities, enjoyment, health and your passions should ALL come before opposite sex. The women or men should come automatically come when you get all of that straightened out.
wow.......I didn't know you had it in you.
Bitty: Good advice on this. Although I have to agree with Hank that most normal guys would love for a girl to be honest. Nothing worse than having things go well, and the girl then just blowing you off. You like her so you don't know if you should just move on with your life or continue to worry that something horrible happened to her(yes we know that if she doesn't call she probably isnt' interested but we hold onto hope anway). I think at times women have a problem telling a guy they aren't interested and that's why they avoid the conversation. Meanwhile again, most everyday men would prefer to just be told to buzz off.
Posted by BasketballJones:
Posted by Bippity10:
Bitty: Good advice on this. Although I have to agree with Hank that most normal guys would love for a girl to be honest. Nothing worse than having things go well, and the girl then just blowing you off. You like her so you don't know if you should just move on with your life or continue to worry that something horrible happened to her(yes we know that if she doesn't call she probably isnt' interested but we hold onto hope anway). I think at times women have a problem telling a guy they aren't interested and that's why they avoid the conversation. Meanwhile again, most everyday men would prefer to just be told to buzz off.
Buzz off.
I can't beleive you said that
OK, so I have a new nickname for basically a lot of chicks. There is a category of chicks that I like to call PYTHONS. We were talking on the phone for hours straight, with her dominating the phone conversation, which is fine to an extent. However, when you can hardly breathe b/c they keep talking and talking, it just gets frustrating. And then you try to get off the phone. You try ending it by throwing in the word "Anyway, I..." yet she continues to just talk right over you and tell more stories when you're ready to sleep.
I finally tell her I'm ready to pass out, and she really tells me "Call me when you wake up."
They are pythons b/c they don't give you a chance to breathe with their talking. Never. Ever. Don't think for a second that I'm calling her in the morning.
i know a good way of stopping them from yappin'... gotta keep their mouths occupied, nah'm sayin??? *nudge nudge*
LOL. BTW in response to my original post to this topic, bitty ans Solace were right. The person had no guts to tell me they were interested in someone else. I have since moved on.
[Edited by - gkfv2 on 01-07-2009 05:13 AM]
And that is why you don't place your eggs in one basket, too early, on your part or her part. She burned her bridge. With that said, anyone who says they haven't made the mistake is LYING!
Posted by Allanfan20:
And that is why you don't place your eggs in one basket, too early, on your part or her part. She burned her bridge. With that said, anyone who says they haven't made the mistake is LYING!
Definitely... you never know when paths cross again. And when your nice to the ones set fire as they walk, even though she's not worth your time everyone is worth decency and civility, including her. The reason is (1) being nice to her when undeserved drives her crazy(er), (2) keeps you on her mind, (3) she'll talk to her friends about you, (4) her friends will take notice, (5) her friends will start to think about you, (6) you'll have established a positive womanizing brand name, (7) you'll get introduced to more girls as opposed to introducing yourself, and (8) eventually you'll get paid off in ass dividends
Posted by 4949:
Posted by GKFv2:
So apparently she finally sent me a text apologizing for being "really busy" with work...
And maybe she is' really busy. She might be ambitious. The killer of all steady relationships. Knowing when to invest and not' to invest certain amounts of time. Is it worth it you ask yourself?
I find the best response in that situation is the Office Space response where you're like, "I'd like to hang out, but if not, that's cool too"
Posted by GKFv2:
Posted by Solace:
This is common. Back when I used to date, this happened a few times and seems to be very common for almost everyone.
My interpretation is that it's usually one of these three things:
A) They aren't interested and don't have the backbone to say so. If it's this one, you'll likely never hear from the chick again.
B) They had multiple dates lined up on different nights and liked one of the other guys more. They don't have the backbone to say anything unless pressed. I think this is a sleezy approach, but apparently common.
C) They recently broke up with an ex, and although she was going out on dates, she got back together with her ex. You're not likely to get a response back on this one, either.
But seriously, if a female is quiet for more than 5 days early in the relationship, she's probably not interested. That's been my experience -- because the ones that are interested call multiple times a day.
You're probably right. But why lie about being "too busy" with work? I guess that's where the backbone thing comes in to play. It just makes no sense to me for her not to be interested. This girl was really into me, I'm not just tooting my own horn. But from one day to the next, with absolutely nothing to trigger it, she just kind went into the silent treatment. Maybe she is too busy or maybe she doesn't have a backbone. Either way, I'm not waiting around to find out. She can come to me. I'm moving ahead.
Yeah, well don't wait around... I forget where I heard this or who I heard it from (wish I could) but the analogy I liked a lot is that dating is like trying on clothes, you're both looking for the best fit. And typically for girls the best fit is what's trendy or AKA what's in demand. So, just talk to everyone. Say hi without presuming to get a date or fellated. When then these girls take notice that you talk to all the girls, they'll start wondering "why isn't GKF talking to me? Am I not *desirable*?" Chicks--especially the ones everyone covets--like dudes that are in some way, shape, or form powerful and people with power are in control and already have what they want.
Posted by Allanfan20:
OK, so I have a new nickname for basically a lot of chicks. There is a category of chicks that I like to call PYTHONS. We were talking on the phone for hours straight, with her dominating the phone conversation, which is fine to an extent. However, when you can hardly breathe b/c they keep talking and talking, it just gets frustrating. And then you try to get off the phone. You try ending it by throwing in the word "Anyway, I..." yet she continues to just talk right over you and tell more stories when you're ready to sleep.
I finally tell her I'm ready to pass out, and she really tells me "Call me when you wake up."
They are pythons b/c they don't give you a chance to breathe with their talking. Never. Ever. Don't think for a second that I'm calling her in the morning.
Heh. I know the feeling.
One of my ex-girlfriends was like that. I'm sort of embarrassed to say that I once fell asleep while on the phone with her. When I woke up the next morning, I just assumed that I forgot to hang the phone up after our conversation. Only later did she tell me that I stopped talking and then she heard a bit of snoring. :P
Posted by GKFv2:
LOL. BTW in response to my original post to this topic, bitty ans Solace were right. The person had no guts to tell me they were interested in someone else. I have since moved on.
[Edited by - gkfv2 on 01-07-2009 05:13 AM]
See? I knew it. Unfortunately, it happens. Good for you for moving on.
Posted by SupremeCommander:
Posted by GKFv2:
Posted by Solace:
This is common. Back when I used to date, this happened a few times and seems to be very common for almost everyone.
My interpretation is that it's usually one of these three things:
A) They aren't interested and don't have the backbone to say so. If it's this one, you'll likely never hear from the chick again.
B) They had multiple dates lined up on different nights and liked one of the other guys more. They don't have the backbone to say anything unless pressed. I think this is a sleezy approach, but apparently common.
C) They recently broke up with an ex, and although she was going out on dates, she got back together with her ex. You're not likely to get a response back on this one, either.
But seriously, if a female is quiet for more than 5 days early in the relationship, she's probably not interested. That's been my experience -- because the ones that are interested call multiple times a day.
You're probably right. But why lie about being "too busy" with work? I guess that's where the backbone thing comes in to play. It just makes no sense to me for her not to be interested. This girl was really into me, I'm not just tooting my own horn. But from one day to the next, with absolutely nothing to trigger it, she just kind went into the silent treatment. Maybe she is too busy or maybe she doesn't have a backbone. Either way, I'm not waiting around to find out. She can come to me. I'm moving ahead.
Yeah, well don't wait around... I forget where I heard this or who I heard it from (wish I could) but the analogy I liked a lot is that dating is like trying on clothes, you're both looking for the best fit. And typically for girls the best fit is what's trendy or AKA what's in demand. So, just talk to everyone. Say hi without presuming to get a date or fellated. When then these girls take notice that you talk to all the girls, they'll start wondering "why isn't GKF talking to me? Am I not *desirable*?" Chicks--especially the ones everyone covets--like dudes that are in some way, shape, or form powerful and people with power are in control and already have what they want.
Yup. Puppy dogs never get the girls. Puppy dogs have friends for life but they go home with their good hand. If you want that one girl that you have been going for for decades. You don't have to be mean to her. You don't have to treat her bad. You don't have to be a "bad boy". Just be in demand, or give the illusion. The only time I've ever seen a friend of mine get out of the "friend zone" was after he started dating/talking to someone else. Never while he was being the puppy dog.
Posted by Allanfan20:
OK, so I have a new nickname for basically a lot of chicks. There is a category of chicks that I like to call PYTHONS. We were talking on the phone for hours straight, with her dominating the phone conversation, which is fine to an extent. However, when you can hardly breathe b/c they keep talking and talking, it just gets frustrating. And then you try to get off the phone. You try ending it by throwing in the word "Anyway, I..." yet she continues to just talk right over you and tell more stories when you're ready to sleep.
I finally tell her I'm ready to pass out, and she really tells me "Call me when you wake up."
They are pythons b/c they don't give you a chance to breathe with their talking. Never. Ever. Don't think for a second that I'm calling her in the morning.
Dude, If you ain't interested in what they have to say now, wait until you are married to it. Do yourself a favor, in the future, if this happens again, hang up the phone and change your number.
